Can You Hear Me?

Can you hear me? 

This question has probably crossed your mind or lips before. Maybe, you were passionately sharing what was on your mind with someone. You talked and talked. You told them all your opinions. They barely said a word, but that didn’t matter. You just wanted to be heard. In desperation, you needed them to see it, see your side. See your take. You wanted to be seen. Understood. You wanted them to hear you.

Friends, I’m sure we all can relate to this desire. It’s not wrong to want others to understand you, in the right time and way. It’s not wrong to share your thoughts, at the right time and in the right way. However, at what point have we sacrificed the opportunity to understand others at the altar of our own selfishness? Have we traded understanding for self-expression? Did we stop hearing, just to be heard?

There is a difference between selfless vulnerability and self-centered insecurity. There is a difference between being heard for its own sake and opening up in wisdom and humility. There is a difference between letting someone else speak and seeking to understand someone else. There is also a difference between self-inflicted ignorance and humble recognition that there is more to learn, that maybe you don’t know everything.

In the recent “Fountains and Snares” blog post, we discussed the power of the tongue and respecting it as people of wisdom and not using it as fools. One of the proverbs that we mentioned in that blog post can offer us insight into self-centeredness in our daily conversations: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Prov. 18:2, ESV). As a reminder, the book of Proverbs examines the difference between “wisdom” and “folly” as expressed in our actions. Therefore, Proverbs 18:2 reveals that a person of folly is one who in selfishness seeks to be heard rather than to hear and understand. Such a person is more concerned with their opinion being brought into the open than learning about and from others.

Have you ever had to have the last word in a conversation? Have you ever cut someone off to share “the right way” of thinking or “the wise position” on an issue? Have you ever dominated conversation because it was critical to have all your thoughts on the table? Have you ever thought you knew someone better than they knew themselves, so instead of letting them open up to you, you diagnosed them and the “solutions” to their problems? Did you stop listening to the other person because you overvalued what you had to say and undervalued what they could possibly say? 

By listening instead of trying to be heard, we truly open ourselves up to understanding a situation, a problem, or even a person. By valuing understanding over being understood, we can grow in wisdom and avoid the potentially grave consequences of foolish ignorance. Be people of wisdom, and hear. Seek to understand. Put your opinions aside for the sake of understanding. Don’t be foolish.

Wisdom calls. Do you hear her?